If I take that trip, see that city, explore that place, I might not have all the money I need to eat exactly what I want, get exactly as many expensive coffees as I want, shop as often as I want.
If I introduce myself to someone, invite them to lunch, open my heart, I might feel awkward and uncomfortable. They might despise me! How likely that seems in my little heart.
But if I wall myself off from all those experiences, keep myself safe from all those risks, what do I have at the end of my life?
I have nothing, I guess, except the knowledge that I was really, really comfortable.
Not joy. Not wisdom. Not stories. Comfort.
Is that all I want? Is it even vaguely possible that I want to reach the end of my life and have, to show for it, the fact that I kept myself secluded and safe and unscathed?”
— the rest is here
I want to be happy by myself, in and of myself, without bothering about religion. Because when You are in my life, really in it, invading all of it, I can’t do things my way. I can’t ignore the parts of Your word and Your will that make me uncomfortable. I can’t hush, can’t be quiet, can’t work my hardest to conform to the culture around me so that You are in the background, and I am normal. Acceptable. Ready to impress.
God, please destroy this desire in me. Bring me back to the central question, which is: Have I ever been happy without You? Has a prolonged period of time away from You brought me anything good, anything lasting? The answer is no.”
Just wanted to check in with an update on how things are going post-brain surgery. It’s nothing too exciting; even the scar has gotten much less gory, although it has gotten me a few seats to myself on MARTA. But, it’s what’s going on.
I’m still working from home (although probably, by the time this is posted, that won’t be true anymore). The initial plan was to go back to the office a little earlier, but I accidentally told my surgeon to excuse me for “two weeks” of teleworking without specifying a day. In my defense, I was on heavy narcotics at the time. So, I’ll be back at the end of this week.
I will say that after doing the work-from-home thing for basically one second, my respect for people who do this full-time/permanently has quadrupled. A few questions: How do you do it? How do you motivate yourself to shower and sit in real, supportive chairs? I don’t understand, because I am already incapable of doing any of those things. On the other hand, working from home has been completely, 100 percent necessary because — fact time — brain surgery makes you really freaking tired. Today (Monday) is the first day I’ve stayed awake without either a 3-4 hour midday nap or a 15-hour nighttime sleep. It’s like freshman year of college all over again.
— Unknown (via kryeveper)